


Vending Machine

by dhania



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: 3 am, College, Stupidity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:55:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24273181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dhania/pseuds/dhania
Summary: Thomas gets his arm stuck in a vending machine.Guess who's to blame.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 48





	Vending Machine

**Author's Note:**

> Remus is... being Remus, so some almost-disturbing imagery.  
> But Remus is almost cute here so I'm pretty sure it's fine.  
> Also, I'm sure this isn't how vending machines work...

“...shove in your other hand and see what happens.”

“No.”

“ _ Ooooh! Ooooh! _ Dislocate your shoulder like those spy movies!”

“No.”

“You’re right. It’d be easier to saw your arm off. I always wanted to go left-handed.”

“ _ Remus _ .”

Thomas just wants to curl up in his bed with his pillow. He’s too tired to deal with this. Why did he let Logan go? He should’ve known better.

“Maybe it’ll start working if you hit your head against the glass! Like those old TVs! Or maybe you’ll smash through the glass, stab your face with the shards, and die!”

Thomas chokes back a sob.

_ I just want my bed _ .

He turns his head to look pathetically at his Intrusive Thoughts. Who also went by another name— Impulse. He should’ve known better. 

He should’ve  _ known _ he’d regret coming down at 3 AM for a snack to survive his all-nighter. He should’ve  _ known _ something would go wrong when Logan said he’d be back after a short break. He should’ve  _ known _ when he found himself sticking his whole arm up through the vending machine— to try and get back his two bags of Reese's cups— which were still very much stuck, along with the said arm, despite his suffering.

“ _ Remus _ ,” he pleads again. “Can you  _ only _ open your mouth when you have  _ good _ ideas?” 

“ _ Ouch _ , bossman.” Remus says, crouching beside him, trying to shove his face through the opening to try and see the inside of the vending machine. “You should know better than to deny everything that defines my existence!”

Thomas groans, and slumps against the cold tiles of the room.

Remus is right.

Thomas is going to die here.

All alone.

Because _no_ _one_ comes to this room. The last time he got anything from this vending machine, it was three weeks expired because no one bothered to replace the food inside.

Remus turns to him, grinning. “Wouldn’t it be funny if you die from starvation when a vending machine is  _ right _ here? No, no, no, that’s not important yet. It takes  _ weeks _ for a human body to starve. What about the bathroom breaks up till then?” He cackles. “They’ll find your body in the middle of— ”

“Remus,  _ please _ .”

The next time he has to spend an all-nighter for his Chemistry finals, he’s going to do himself a favor and quit school instead.

_ If _ there is ever a next time.

“Well, I’m  _ very _ interested in hearing how this happened.”

Thomas jumps, which twists the arm still stuck in the vending machine against something, and he winces.

“Janus,” Thomas acknowledges warily.

The deceitful Side is smirking at him, as he leans against the wall beside him.

“Well?” Janus raises a thin eyebrow. “What made you think this was a good idea?”

“Janny!” Remus chirps, bouncing to his feet. “You here to watch us suffer?”

“Obviously, I wasn’t thinking!” Thomas snaps. “Remus is the only other one in this room!”

“ _ Thomas! _ ” Remus gasps, clutching at his heart in mock hurt. “I just wanted to get your chocolates!”

“This has  _ nothing _ to do with the chocolates, and you know it.”

Remus giggles, the sound high and unsettling. “Always wanted to shove my arm up there. Wouldn’t it be fun if your arm falls off now, like those lizards with their tails, and the next person who comes here gets an  _ arm _ with their chips?”

“ _ Remus _ ,” Thomas groans, curling into himself. He’s cold, he’s hungry, his arm hurts, and this situation is just miserable.

“Everything’s going to be  _ fine _ , Thomas.”

He feels cool fingers on his shoulder.

He looks up to see the deceitful Side glaring at the Reeses cups as if they were at fault for the situation.

“Of course, I’m not sure why you left your phone behind— ”

Thomas groans. He’s been regretting that, too.

“But the possibility of you dying here, or even losing your arm, is very low. You’d know this. If you weren’t sleep-deprived.”

“ _ It’s finals week! _ Don’t start on that again!”

“Self care shouldn’t wait until you have free time,” Janus sniffs, under his breath, but Thomas hears him anyway. “Remus, dear? Can you please go wake up Logan? I need someone with functioning brain cells to talk through this.”

“ _ Logan fell asleep? _ ” Thomas asks, horrified. Logan said he’d be back after a short break!

“Yes. Because  _ someone’s _ pushed him past the point of exhaustion.”

Thomas avoids Janus’s pointed gaze, as Remus straightens up, with a salute.

“Ay, ay, captain!” Remus sings, sinking out.

“He should really stop watching Spongebob in the mornings,” Janus mutters. “He gets half his stupid ideas from the show.”

“Is  _ that _ why the theme song’s been stuck in my head?”

Janus gives him a sideways glance, and Thomas could swear the Side was trying to hide a fond smile.

“The whole  _ mindscape’s _ probably ringing with it at this point,” he sighs instead.

A silence settles over them, and Janus takes a few steps back. Thomas almost misses the reassuring pressure on his shoulder— though it’s usually one of the other Sides who provide it— but he’s not going to say anything. He goes back to leaning against the vending machine’s glass, sighing.

.

Logan and Virgil show up with Remus, and all the Sides have a screaming match. Which is mostly the former Light Sides freaking out and the former Darks trying to calm the situation down— but with Remus there, it really isn’t helping. Thomas just curls between them, finding comfort, despite himself, in their voices. He’s pretty sure he starts drifting to sleep at some point.

Eventually though, the door to the room creaks open, and everyone cuts off.

The janitor comes in, pushing his tools in front of him.

He freezes, his eyes on Thomas’s still form curled in front of the vending machine.

“Crazy college kids.” He mutters.

Everyone can’t help but agree.


End file.
